'I wasn't going to skip my own life to raise an infant': Parents force 17-year-old son to take care of his 3 young siblings, balk when he refuses to raise a fourth

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 30, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Shows like Shameless illustrate just how complex and difficult it can get when one sibling is forced to be the parent against their will. The character of Fiona is the eldest sister, but she's also the primary guardian of all five of her younger siblings, since her mom is absent and her dad is… present but absent. It's a difficult situation for all of them, but someone has to assume the caretaker role. But that usually means they don't get to have a childhood of their own. 

The point of being a kid is you're not responsible for anything. You have to learn how to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. If from a young age, all your energy is thrust onto taking care of others, then who is taking care of you? That's the situation one teen found themselves in, and then finally had the courage to stand up for himself. But it didn't go as planned. Read on for the story.

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    Cheezburger Image 10381589504
    via Aditya Romansa
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    AITA for telling my parents they need to place their next kid for adoption?
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    My parents have four kids already. Me (17M), my younger sister (13F), younger brother (12M) and youngest sister (10F). My parents have relied on me heavily to take care of my siblings. Started when I was still too young to do much but they'd put them in my room if a
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    nightmare happened and after each sibling was 6 months old they started sharing a room with me until they were 3. Then it was getting me to prepare something to eat for my younger siblings. It was also staying home with them while mom went shopping and
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    over time it evolved. I help with homework, I make sure they're awake for school, I walk them to school since I don't have a car, I feed them and most of the time I'm the one they come to if they need help with something. My parents will drop them off at birthday parties or to friends houses. They'll take us out for family experiences but
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    admittedly expect me to keep an eye on my siblings. My parents provide the food and house and clothes. I provide the emotional stuff.
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    I don't love doing it but I got so used to it that it became second nature. I'm still the person my youngest sister comes to if she has a nightmare or is afraid of anything during the night.
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    My parents learned they were pregnant again in February. They told me and my siblings last month. It was very much talked about like I will have the baby with me, in my room, for the jump and should learn how to independently change diapers
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    and stuff. I made it clear from the jump that I wasn't raising their next kid for them. I told them I had more responsibility to my three siblings than I should've ever had. But I wasn't going to skip my own life to raise an infant from the start. My parents were shocked. They tried to get one of
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    my younger siblings on board but they said no way, they didn't want to be responsible like me. My parents returned to me with the topic and asked what the they're meant to do and they never expected me to reject a sibling like this. I said I reject child raising another one of their kids. Not a sibling. But also, I'll be
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    out of the house in 7 months. I won't be around the new sibling as much and the relationship might not be the same. I told them I don't want the same relationship either. I don't want to be a parent to another sibling.
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    They made it pretty clear they don't want to do the actual child raising and they're living a nightmare over this. When the topic came up during the last week I told them they need to place the baby for adoption since they won't have a good childhood with nobody wanting to raise them. I told my parents it would be the kindest thing to do if they refuse to raise the baby themselves.
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    My parents accused me of treating adoption flippantly and they were sorta outraged I would rather they place the baby for adoption than for me to step up and raise this one too. AITA?
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    time-watertraveler. Nta. I don't know where you're located, but if you are in the USA id call CPS and get them involved.
    via u/time-watertraveler
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    Fine Disk2154 OP. 1 day ago CPS won't do anything. They were called before and came to talk to us and did nothing. They didn't see this as a big enough problem to do any continued intervention. We were all "taken care of" and that was enough. Even though the taking care of part was on me.
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    Silmariel 1 day ago . • edited 1 day ago Parentification is child abuse. Thats what you have been subjected to. Get out of the house as soon as you can. Get a job outside school hours, and get out of the house as much as you can the remainder of your time there. Also, you'll want to try and get therapy and
    via u/Silmariel
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    learn about normal sibling boundaries. Because your siblings WILL reach for you to provide for them, once they realise how little is left at home without you there. Its not that they want to hurt you, its just survival for them. And you'll have to be able to say no. That is no easy thing. SO as soon as
    via u/Silmariel
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    you can, get therapy with the aim of learning appropriate sibling boundaries in a situation where you have been parentified for years by the actual parents. Move far far away for a few years. ΝΤΑ
    via u/Silmariel
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    Fine_Disk2154 OP. 1 day ago I can do it knowing that. I can still be there for my siblings over the phone and they can visit me. But I won't be forced to do it all anymore. Maybe that's how CPS actually does something this time. Or maybe not. But I know I'll be giving up so much of my life if I stay. I'll never get to be young and just have fun.
    via u/Fine_Disk2154
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    embopbopbopdoowop ⚫ "They were sorta outraged I would rather they place the(ir) baby for adoption than for me to step up and raise this one too." The complete lack of self- awareness and accountability they need to think this, let alone say it, is mind-boggling.
    via u/embopbopbopdoowop
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    Silent Syd241 1 day ago • NTA When they are both out of the house look for your important documents (birth certificate, social security card stuff like that) so they can't keep it from you as a way of punishing you for not being their live in nanny anymore. See if you can move in with a relative.
    via u/Silent Syd241
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    Fine_Disk2154 OP. 1 day ago I don't have a relative to move in with. I'll be doing this alone but have a friend I can move in with once I'm 18. I was able to find my birth certificate but nothing else.
    via u/Fine_Disk2154

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childcare Babies teens aita infant kids teenagers moms parenting dad cute kids pregnant reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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